Ruminations from the Temple

First having read the book of myths, and loaded the camera, and checked the edge of the knife-blade, I put on the body-armor of black rubber the absurd flippers the grave and awkward mask. I am having to do this not like Cousteau with his assiduous team aboard the sun-flooded schooner but here alone. There is a ladder. The ladder is always there hanging innocently close to the side of the schooner. We know what it is for, we who have used it. Otherwise it is a piece of maritime floss some sundry equipment. I go down. Rung after rung and still the oxygen immerses me the blue light the clear atoms of our human air. I go down. My flippers cripple me, I crawl like an insect down the ladder and there is no one to tell me when the ocean will begin. First the air is blue and then it is bluer and then green and then black I am blacking out and yet my mask is powerful it pumps my blood with power the sea i...

A master's program is no walk in the park. Clutter, both physical and mental, makes everything harder. Having a tribe is a lesson in non-attachment. Each experience causes change. Authenticity brings peace of mind, but not usually applause or companions. No one can do it for you. Not even God. Gossip is like bamboo - the invasive kind, not the lucky kind. Social media is a hindrance more than a help. Fresh air is an amazing treasure taken for granted. Sincerity is obvious. So is insincerity. Everyone is ten-years-old on the inside. Awareness is a good thing.

There are times that, while in the midst of struggle, wisdom appears. This is one of those times. Every morning we start our day by reading a small book called Everyday Tao , by Deng Ming-Dao (1996). Taoism is credited with being, by far, the oldest of human religions, with its sacred text attributed to Lao Tzu, a person who may have been real or simply legend. The name Lao Tzu simply means old wise one, so basically the Daodejing could be thought of as the oldest recording of human wisdom on the planet, or at least to our current and limited knowledge. So, why is all this important? Because I need wisdom. We all need wisdom. Because we all suffer, either by pain inflicted outside our control, or by reliving and ruminating (yes, ruminating) over the pain that has been inflicted. We cause our own pain and suffering. And, heaven help us, we just can't seem to get out of our own stupid way. Sound familiar? My beloved read the following excerpt to me this morning. I have been ...

“Thus, more than an ethical principle, devotion to truthful speech is a matter of taking our stand on reality rather than illusion, on the truth grasped by wisdom rather than the fantasies woven by desire.” Bhikkhu Bodhi’s perspective is from that of a monk. When I read his words, I am reminded that he is a renunciant. He has chosen to live without many of the comforts, desires, and pleasures that those of us non-renunciants enjoy. But he does have one thing that many of us do not – undistracted vision. The above profundity that flows from his observation, most certainly, is a nugget worth further exploration. He also has the luxury of speaking the truth. I know that may sound strange, but for those of us living out in the fray of society, we don’t often have the space or privilege to speak the truth. For example, have you ever answered the cashier’s scripted inquiry by stating the truth: “no, I actually didn’t find everything I was looking for.” I have responded in this wa...

The title of this post is a phrase I have said often, usually as a reply to praise. I say it because it is true - I am not so sure about whatever praise is being given. I am doubtful of its validity. Not that the person is trying to mislead me, but that I just have my doubts that it is really true. Because I know me, and I know my failings. Further, I have been close to people who have expressed appreciation and care, but then caused hurt with mis-perceptions, gossip, and slander. Those experiences have cast a long shadow of doubt upon my abilities and on the perceptions of others. I believe we all have doubts, some more than others. Doubts about ourselves, our relationships, our beliefs, and our security and safety. Everything is forever in flux, so how can we not have doubts that what we understand and rely upon today will not be upended tomorrow? But, in our current societal environment, we need to exhibit confidence in our own abilities and understanding to succeed. Those who are...

Dante's view of heaven - God as a point of light surrounded by angels Define heaven. Heaven , the heavens or seven heavens , is a common religious, cosmological , or transcendent place where beings such as gods , angels , jinn , saints , or venerated ancestors are said to originate, be enthroned , or to live. ( wiki ) I would define it a bit different... Heaven is a physical state of relaxation, freedom, and acceptance. Heaven is a state of feeling comfortable, safe, and at peace. Heaven is a state of mind - at rest and free from worry or fear. Not so much a place where anyone, supernatural or otherwise, actually lives, but an experience. Perhaps heaven and home could be defined similarly. I guess it would depend on if you felt all those things at the place you call home. I am very fortunate and privileged to say that our home at the beach is very much those things. A sanctuary in a world that can seem like it is spinning out of control. It has ...

Sometimes entanglements separate, so often for the better. Love was not lacking, or even desire, only that paths parted. Being free of attachment is a benefit, and loyalty isn’t always a virtue; Truly, clinging for acceptance and striving for victory leave only expectations. If clinging is your way, cling to the truth that expectations lead to suffering. If striving is your habit, strive to train yourself to be still. For in stillness there is awareness, acceptance, and quietness of mind. It is only in stillness that you will find what you seek.

[September 2012, originally posted on Expose.] A picture of the place you want to spend the most time. I don't think I can find a photo, mine or otherwise, that would portray where I want to spend the majority of my time. Instead, I will attempt to paint you a picture... With wide, sweeping strokes, the lightest of white, pearly and somewhat translucent, would be the light of life. I want to live in the light. Sweet hues of light blue, lavender and pink represent freely given friendship and acceptance. I want to live with acceptance and true, unconditional love. Splashes of bright colors - yellow, orange and green - punctuate the days with new experiences and things to learn. I want to live in a place where new ideas are embraced and fresh opportunities are welcomed. Deep and comfortable darker hues find their way onto my canvas; soft brown and warm burgundy...deep turquoise and emerald green. All these speak of the abiding feeling of home and belonging....

Sometimes change is easy. We begin using a better product, or change our hair style making life a bit easier. But sometimes change is hard, like when we want to stop a destructive habit. Making life changes is a very personal decision, but we don't live in vacuum. There are always those who have an opinion about the choices we make. Family, friends, co-workers, sometimes even strangers or enemies all feel the need to weigh in on our choices and decisions that facilitate change in our lives. At the end of the day, however, we alone are responsible for those changes, and for the subsequent consequences, either good or bad. If you have been a reader of my musings, or a follower on social media, you may be questioning my apparent decision to leave religion behind. "But Hendel," you may say, "you were such a strong believer! I really looked up to you as a bulwark of scriptual knowledge and wisdom!" Well, maybe you wouldn't say that, but regardless, I feel...

This simple question has been bouncing around in my brain for the past day or so after it was posed by a social media friend. The question begs an answer, and several friends came forward quickly and claimed their beliefs confidently. I, on the other hand, considered it less of an opportunity to proclaim my lack of doubt in a deity and more of something to chew on it for a bit. What do I believe? In my history I have worn many labels. When I wanted to raise my children in the church, I took on the label of a Christian, even without fully knowing all that the label entailed. After a decade of wearing that label, I removed that one and took on another – Messianic Jew. Another set of rules, another group of people all wearing the label proudly, and another decade. And in that wearing of the label was buried my beliefs. The strange thing is that not all individuals who wear a particular label actually believe the same things. My fledgling beliefs and curiosity about religious dogma...

This is a guest post from my companion, whom I couldn't be more honored to share life with. A former member of the LDS Church, he has sent this letter to the current president and prophet, Thomas Monson. The journey continues.. . President Monson, I have chosen Mother’s Day to write to you, because it highlights my concern over the existence of patriarchy within the structure of the church. While my life was very enhanced from joining the church in my fourteenth year, serving an honorable mission and marrying within the temple, with an increase of study from “all the good books” and scholarly study in the birthplace of all Christian religion, the recent published position of the church hierarchy has caused me, and apparently many others, to wonder about the true ‘inspiration’ that created the LDS church. My testimony was definitely from my own mystical experience and I bore it many times to convince others to consider our version of the ‘truth’ about an eternal plan a...

When I was a child, I had a large mirror attached to my closet door in my bedroom. Since I spent a lot of time in my bedroom (obvious introvert), I apparently spent a lot of time looking at myself. Well, that is what I was told anyway. My parents decided to take the mirror out of my room, stating that they didn’t want me to be vain about my appearance. I have considered this my whole life…was I vain? Was my reflection an object of curiosity? Was I trying to develop a self-image? Since I was very small, the questions remain. Self-image is an interesting thing. For myself, the image I see in my mind’s eye seems to stay at right about age 20 – energetic, rather fearless, and ready to take on the world. I most certainly am not that person, but somehow that is who I expect to see in selfies. In my view, how we see ourselves is directly related to the reflection we see through others. How people react to me, or how they might describe me, becomes my reality and identity. Besides the ...

What is good? …that which has merit, is desirable, or pleasing? Who wants to be good, to have value? As a mostly-perfectionist, I want to be good. I am not sure why, I just have a drive to be good – good as this elusive, nebulous judgment that just cannot be nailed down. I want to be a good student. And by good, I mean to get the best marks every time – not just because, but because I put forth the effort required for high marks. I want to be a good friend. The type of friend that gives comfort, refreshment, and support. I want to be a good daughter, and always make my parents proud. I want to be a good mother, loving and supporting my children as they strive for value. I want to be good partner, meshing into the mythical oneness that is the pinnacle of human experience. I am constantly striving for good…for the good. In my appearance, I want to look as good as I possibly can. In my home, I want it to be as good as we can afford – as comfortable, tidy, and w...