I'm not so sure about that.
The title of this post is a phrase I have said often, usually as a reply to praise. I say it because it is true - I am not so sure about whatever praise is being given. I am doubtful of its validity. Not that the person is trying to mislead me, but that I just have my doubts that it is really true. Because I know me, and I know my failings. Further, I have been close to people who have expressed appreciation and care, but then caused hurt with mis-perceptions, gossip, and slander. Those experiences have cast a long shadow of doubt upon my abilities and on the perceptions of others.
I believe we all have doubts, some more than others. Doubts about ourselves, our relationships, our beliefs, and our security and safety. Everything is forever in flux, so how can we not have doubts that what we understand and rely upon today will not be upended tomorrow? But, in our current societal environment, we need to exhibit confidence in our own abilities and understanding to succeed. Those who are considered shy, quiet, or lacking self-confidence are considered weak and ineffective. Doubts, both personal and professional, can be huge obstacles to successful relationships, both personal and professional. So what are we supposed to do with these nagging and hidden doubts?
I recently read something about doubt that, at least for me, could really be a game-changer.
First of all, doubt is not a personal flaw or weakness, but a result of past experiences. Perhaps you can agree that the older we get, the more skeptical (full of doubt) we become. And no wonder - we are marketed to, manipulated, truly pressured from all sides to do and act in ways that society dictates. We are told that we are lacking somehow, and are in need of whatever they are selling. Businesses want our dollars, politicians want our votes, and employers want as much as they can get for as little as they can get by paying for. All that would make for some skepticism and doubt, if not downright cynicism. Yes, I must admit that I doubt many things because there have been many attempts to mislead.
These are powerful words from the author, and are quite an indictment of leadership of all flavors. And only each individual can answer - do I need to be bribed or threatened? These kind of tactics imply that one wouldn't choose to do the right thing(s) on their own - an implied doubt of character or ability.
When we doubt our own abilities, it could be because someone has implied we are unable or has insincerely flattered for personal gain. When we doubt our own beliefs, it could be because spiritual leaders have manipulated with exaggeration and fear-tactics. When we doubt the claims of others, it could be because we have been lied to or misled before. And when we doubt the loyalty or sincerity of relationship, it could be because we have been taken for granted, used, or abandoned. Again, I ask the question: how can we not doubt when we have been misled?
The word doubt is defined as a feeling of uncertainty or a lack of conviction, both of which could be interpreted as undesirable character traits. But, it seems to me that doubt born of past events could be a survival mechanism, and further, even a way to consider what is heard and experienced with more wisdom and awareness.
The Chinese character for the word translated doubt contains representations of the heart, the mouth, and a weapon - a very insightful combination. When we purposely mislead, we are fostering doubt in another, thus making trust difficult to maintain. When we are misled, we learn to doubt the sincerity of others. We do not have to discount or hide doubts or dis-beliefs; it is beneficial to acknowledge them with curious awareness. If we were to look deeply into our doubts, we may gain insight, understanding, and even compassion toward ourselves and others. And, in the end, it is compassion, rather than self-confidence, that is truly needed for authentic human success.
(*) Ming-Dao, D. (1996). Everyday Tao: Living with balance and harmony. San Francisco, CA: HarperSanFrancisco.
I believe we all have doubts, some more than others. Doubts about ourselves, our relationships, our beliefs, and our security and safety. Everything is forever in flux, so how can we not have doubts that what we understand and rely upon today will not be upended tomorrow? But, in our current societal environment, we need to exhibit confidence in our own abilities and understanding to succeed. Those who are considered shy, quiet, or lacking self-confidence are considered weak and ineffective. Doubts, both personal and professional, can be huge obstacles to successful relationships, both personal and professional. So what are we supposed to do with these nagging and hidden doubts?
I recently read something about doubt that, at least for me, could really be a game-changer.
"When one has doubts, it is usually because there have been attempts to mislead." (*)
First of all, doubt is not a personal flaw or weakness, but a result of past experiences. Perhaps you can agree that the older we get, the more skeptical (full of doubt) we become. And no wonder - we are marketed to, manipulated, truly pressured from all sides to do and act in ways that society dictates. We are told that we are lacking somehow, and are in need of whatever they are selling. Businesses want our dollars, politicians want our votes, and employers want as much as they can get for as little as they can get by paying for. All that would make for some skepticism and doubt, if not downright cynicism. Yes, I must admit that I doubt many things because there have been many attempts to mislead.
"When a religious leader urges you to be spiritual for the sake of a place in heaven, ask yourself: are you a child who needs to be bribed to do the right thing?
When a teacher says that you should enter Tao [or any religion] so that you can become immortal, ask yourself: why search far afield when the glory of Tao [or God] is always at hand?
When a master exhorts you to be pure and avoid divine punishment, ask yourself: who needs threats in order to know purity?
When an authority tells you that to be religious is to be better than everyone else, ask yourself: who needs the illusion of superiority?
Spiritual leaders are supposed to be leading us to truth and instead they use exaggerations to gain converts.
Or do they believe these things themselves?" (*)
These are powerful words from the author, and are quite an indictment of leadership of all flavors. And only each individual can answer - do I need to be bribed or threatened? These kind of tactics imply that one wouldn't choose to do the right thing(s) on their own - an implied doubt of character or ability.
The word doubt is defined as a feeling of uncertainty or a lack of conviction, both of which could be interpreted as undesirable character traits. But, it seems to me that doubt born of past events could be a survival mechanism, and further, even a way to consider what is heard and experienced with more wisdom and awareness.
The Chinese character for the word translated doubt contains representations of the heart, the mouth, and a weapon - a very insightful combination. When we purposely mislead, we are fostering doubt in another, thus making trust difficult to maintain. When we are misled, we learn to doubt the sincerity of others. We do not have to discount or hide doubts or dis-beliefs; it is beneficial to acknowledge them with curious awareness. If we were to look deeply into our doubts, we may gain insight, understanding, and even compassion toward ourselves and others. And, in the end, it is compassion, rather than self-confidence, that is truly needed for authentic human success.
(*) Ming-Dao, D. (1996). Everyday Tao: Living with balance and harmony. San Francisco, CA: HarperSanFrancisco.
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