The Philosophy of the Donut
Heraclitus – You can’t eat the same donut twice.
Plato – All donuts share in ideal ‘donut-ness.'
Aristotle – A donut contains its donut-ness.
Augustine – Donuts need grace to be fully donut.
Descartes – A donut hole proves the existence of the donut.
Locke – Donuts taste good to me.
Hume – Donuts exist because I imagine donuts.
Kant – A ‘donut’ = my total experience of donuts.
Wollstonecraft – Women deserve donuts, too.
Mill – Donuts are good if they make people happy.
Kierkegaard – I have faith that donuts are delicious.
Marx – Everybody deserves donuts.
Nietzsche – Stop at nothing to get your donut.
Saussure – Beignet/Krappen/Ciambella/Bunuelo = donut.
Wittgenstein - Fried pastry, zero, parking lot spin, spare tire.
Beauvoir – Patriarchy is responsible for the shape of the donut.
Malcolm X - We should all be afforded the opportunity to get donuts…by any means necessary.
Ayn Rand – A donut is a donut.
Schrodinger – Until someone looks in the box, you are both eating and not eating the donut.
Homer (Simpson) – Mmmmm…donuts.