Ruminations from the Temple

For a few years now I have been kickin' around this idea of attachment. I've often thought that if I wasn't so danged attached, things wouldn't have to hurt so much when they fall apart. But, isn't attaching to others natural and good? Are we not intended to involve and invest ourselves, intertwine our lives and experiences with others? I've always thought the answer was a resounding affirmative. "The fear of loss is a path to the dark side... attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed, that is." These words haunt me, as I have struggled with loss in my life. In the fictional Jedi philosophy, attachment is strongly discouraged. The reasoning is clear; emotional attachment clouds objective judgment (think of the classic image of Lady Justice wearing a blindfold). It would take the most disciplined mind to remain objective towards someone emotionally close, especially if there were many shared experiences between them. Naturally, we feel sympa...

LORD, I don't really understand why bad things happen. I'm not sure I want to understand why we willingly take opportunities hurt others. I surely don't understand how we can cause physical or emotional pain to someone we have promised to love. I don't understand why we feel we must control, patronize or harshly criticize. I hate the fact that we claim belief in You, LORD, but are proud, arrogant and self-righteous. I wish we didn't have to struggle everyday with blinding selfishness that keeps us from dying to self and giving love to others. But, I do know that You, LORD, are always good and just. I do know that somehow everything works towards Your good pleasure. I do know what unconditional love looks like by the example of our beloved Messiah Yeshua. I painfully know that nothing lasts forever and it would be foolish to take the blessings in our lives for granted. I know that we must continue to diligently strive to love and serve You, LORD, ...

It's the day to give thanks...again.  I always say that I don't need a special day to give thanks, as I make it part of my everyday conversation with HaShem.  I don't ever want to take anything or anyone for granted, for I never know when things can change forever. One of my besties absolutely LOVES this day. She can tell me over and over how she loves to cook all the traditional food - in fact, I have her tell me why it excites her on purpose as a way to encourage me to get my attitude in the right place. I know it's not just the food for her, though; her family is very important to her and she loves to see them happy and gathered around. (Happy Thanksgiving, Netanya!  I love you!) On my social utility of choice, thanksgiving greetings are overflowing. Don't cynically tell me that people are just into the food and football on Thanksgiving, as I see otherwise online.  Greeting after greeting, care shown for those struggling with the holiday and narration of t...

"Physiological healing is the restoration of damaged living tissue...to normal function. It is the process by which the cells in the body regenerate and repair to reduce the size of a damaged or necrotic area. Healing incorporates both the removal of necrotic tissue (demolition), and the replacement of this tissue. The replacement can happen in two ways: by regeneration: the necrotic cells are replaced by the same tissue as was originally there, and by repair: injured tissue is replaced with scar tissue. Most organs will heal using a mixture of both mechanisms." ~wiki Physical healing seems pretty cut and dried, doesn't it? I remember shattering my elbow back in my late teens and the process of healing; reconstruction of my elbow by an incredible surgeon, the healing of the incision and bone and then physical therapy to restore range of motion. Yes, it healed and we knew when that healing had taken place because I had nearly full use of my arm again. It took many mon...

Last night, my bestest girlfriends and I visited our favorite movie theater. Why is it our favorite movie theater, you ask? Well, that is because admission is only $2. Amazingly, it looks just like all the other theaters except the movies have been out longer and the ticket is cheaper...much cheaper. Anyway, we decided against Lion King 3D and opted to check out The Help. Several of us had heard good things about it from others who had paid full-price for their viewing, so we thought we'd give it a go. I have to say, we were not disappointed. In a similar fashion to the latest Nancy Drew movie, the costumes were impeccable. Absolutely a feast for the eyes. The contrast of the maid uniforms of 'the help' and the over the top frou-frou of the southern women of the sixties was striking. What was interestingly missing, however, was a soundtrack of much note. I noticed the music only a couple of times, and when I did I was surprised at it's inclusion. That didn't dim...

A letterboxing friend gave me this plaque a few years ago. Interestingly, it was quite a while before I started writing on a regular basis. At first sight, I thought the sentiment was nice, but didn't give it much thought, really. However, it seems most appropriate now, as I most definitely consider myself a wordie . Hard as it is to believe, writing has become a refuge, an escape, even a guilty pleasure.  My former English teacher would be thrilled, as she tried and tried to get me to write more than just the bare minimum to get by. word-ie , noun ; 1) one who enjoys words of all sorts, especially unusual, rare or vintage words, and is intrigued at their spelling and how they interact with other words; 2) one who gains pleasure from writing and speaking beyond what is considered average or normal usage of their native language; 3) one who is adept at playing with words in unusual ways, such as reversing their order or pronunciation, including other languages and pseudo-language...

I'm grateful that my hubby is handy with plumbing and subsequently, toilets that operate correctly. I'm grateful for open communication. I'm grateful for people who don't want to let friendship go. I'm grateful for the internet and connections I am privileged to have there. I'm grateful for music that speaks to my soul. I'm grateful for Star Wars fiction - sometimes life is pretty intense and it's good to have a bit of an escape. I'm grateful for the gifts the LORD has graciously afforded me. I'm grateful for the opportunities to use those gifts. I'm grateful for my family, which includes far more than tradition would dictate. I'm grateful for pictures from Israel. I'm grateful for gauze pads, band-aids and antibiotic ointment (especially when I manage to remove a substantial chunk of flesh from my finger while washing a drinking glass.. .yikes! ) I'm grateful for provision (i.e. the fact that I still have ...

It's getting cold where I live.  My fingers are just frozen as I tap out insistent and heavy thoughts that won't leave me alone. Thoughts of friendships and how relationships impact our lives.  There seems a natural law that we will be judged by the company we keep, or have kept. The revelation is hitting me hard that the actions of those with whom I have aligned myself will translate onto me, good or bad. My friendships, both current and past - even the one I chose to marry - will change how people view me, talk to me...judge me.  It happens every day. And who is to say who the LORD will place in our lives? It is He who gives us compassion towards others, right? Is it not He who determines who will cross paths and when...and for what purpose? Only He knows the outcomes of alliances and commitments. For ultimately, He has enabled bonds to form between souls. Who is like Him so much that they can dictate when that is right or wrong? I have to ask myself if my judgmen...

A sweet yellow leaf floats on a rather insistent fall breeze. Turning to and fro, it is at the mercy of the current. It doesn't seem to complain, but who knows the thoughts of a sweet yellow leaf? This morning I have a lot in common with that leaf, it would seem. I used to have grounders. Those souls placed in my life to give me foundation and stability. Those sources of wisdom and experience gave me a place from which to venture out and take risks. To live, to laugh and to grow. Not unlike that yellow leaf that was once attached to the giant tree that graces our yard. And like that yellow leaf, the time came for a stiff breeze to come up and sweep me into the current, floating in an unknown direction towards an unfamiliar destination. Unexpectedly, my grounders were removed from my life, leaving me falling free. I wonder if the yellow leaf was surprised at it's release, as well. But, who knows the thoughts of a sweet yellow leaf? Eventually the wind will relent and tha...

O Abba, I am in such agony. It would seem the enemy has, once again, played havoc with the meager plans we thought You had ordained. My feet have been knocked out from under me and I'm sinking fast into the dark, miry clay I thought I had left far behind me. Help me, O G-d! Hear my cry for help! I am crying a river, my eyes are burning with tears. I am so heavy-laden with sorrow and pain I can hardly bear it. My friends are crying out to You, stretched thin with disappointment and heartache. Be with them, I plead. Comfort them and grant them Your peace. Give them Your wisdom and foresight to be able to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I ask that You come close to them, heal them and strengthen them. And, as for me, LORD, I simply request that the pain cease. I have been bleeding for so long; when will healing begin? Selfish, I know...please forgive me. I believe that You are LORD. I know You have things well in hand. I await Your further revelation of direc...

So very thankful for so many things this week. We had a wonderful time traveling to Ocean Shores for our Chaverim Retreat. The weather was beautiful despite the season, and the fellowship, study, prayer and food was incredible. We were more than blessed. I am grateful that the 'party van' started and ran well the whole weekend - Baruch HaShem! I'm grateful for memories. I'm grateful for recorded music. I'm very grateful for printed teaching notes. I'm grateful for sweet little souvenirs to bring back to my Dolly. I'm grateful for my besties - I love you so much! I'm grateful for friends checking on me when they know I'm having an especially difficult time. I'm grateful for the loving support of my husband. I'm grateful I didn't go for that job interview after all...it turns out the interviewer was pretty rude.  Nice. I'm grateful Elliot got back from Israel safely. I'm grateful that Morgan is really enjoy...

Peek-a-boo.  A baby's game of delight at finding the familiar and loving face behind hands that weren't recognized at first.  In a baby's simple world, what is hidden doesn't exist until revealed with a flourish. I wonder when that changes in the mind of the baby. After repetition, I suppose. A faith of finding is built through experience - what is behind the unfamiliar hands is a face she knows belongs to the one that takes care of her, loves her...a smiling face saying sweetly, "peek-a-boo!" A toddler cries when his mother steps away for a moment into the other room, seemingly taking away  protection and care. The toddler eventually discovers that it's only a moment before she returns. I wonder how many times this has to happen until knowledge is built within the toddler that he need not fear and stops crying at her momentary departure. Children play the favorite childhood game of hide 'n seek that we all know well. One is chosen to count to a...

photo credit: Batya Katz A Shabbat photo challenge.  How perfect.

Rooted into the sand, roots grasping for sustenance, meaning. Growing in harsh conditions, relentless determination to survive. Sharp fronds, reaching for the sky - the glorious expanse of sky. Buffeted by the wind, strong enough to bend and not break. Sometimes whipped so hard to touch the ground. But even then, the sand records the designs of beauty left behind, evidence of testing and trial. Gathering in clumps, there is life in numbers. If for only a glance it would appear that passage is forbidden. But that is not so true – look closer; paths cut, twisting through, beckoning entrance into their midst to know what they know, to wave with the wind. Sea grass, golden and soft from a distance, strong and formidable in truth, is a welcoming home for the smaller, the weaker, the vulnerable and the lost. Holding down the earth resisting wretched erosion, the sea grass holds firm. Oh, to be more like the sea grass.

Spectacular view from our balcony... Netanya getting used to our weekend digs a glorious sunset @ Point Brown Shabbat Shalom! A much needed rest.

I'm grateful for special gifts. I'm grateful for wonderful teaching. I'm grateful for the opportunity to serve. I'm grateful for the gift of salvation from sin and death. I'm grateful for my Dad. I'm grateful for provision. I'm grateful for Taco Time. I'm grateful for laughter - so much laughter! I'm grateful for travel plans and the ability to organize. I'm so grateful for good friends. I'm grateful for therapy sessions. I'm grateful for comfort food...like chicken noodle soup . I'm grateful to visit my friend Pam.  Even though I'm glad she is now back home, I'm very thankful for hospitals, persistent doctors and caring medical staff. I'm grateful for a happy greeting from Netanya's dog Daisy. I'm grateful for compassion. I'm grateful for warm, fuzzy blankets. I'm grateful we get to go out of town for our Chaverim retreat! I'm grateful for our timeshare and wonderful ...

I have a wonderful father. He is handsome and funny.  He is strong and was such a good provider for our little family, even though he was hurt in a horrible accident when I was barely five years old.  That accident took his hands and left him scarred more than physically.  Despite the setback, he endured the re-learning of life skills, loss of friendship and identity, and financial hardship.  Through it all, he and my mother managed to raise two children who work hard, love others and do their best to be good people. Yes, my father is definitely a man to look up to - a giant in my mind. However, he was not my spiritual leader.  He didn't insist on his family going to a house of worship. Oh sure, we talked about G-d and His constant provision on occasion.  We said grace before eating the festive meals and I know my parents prayed...a lot; we just didn't pray as a family on a regular basis. I had a bible available to me, but it never occurred to me to ac...