April 6, 2010

Heartache


Pain is a funny thing. OK, so probably funny isn't the right word, but it is interesting to ponder.

We have all experienced it, both physical and mental or emotional. It can be a dull, persistent pain that just won't leave you alone, or a sharp stab of sensation that takes your breath away. It can be intermittent and hard to pinpoint or so specific that you can't even look at the affected area without wincing. Sometimes seeing stars, nausea or washes of red can accompany pain, and if it's really severe, the body just shuts down completely leaving you unconscious.

I just don't see much difference in physical pain and emotional pain, to be honest. The pain of betrayal and hurt leaves a person stunned, shell-shocked even. What follows is a parade of tears, anger, outbursts, melancholy. Yeah...painful and hard to forget.

My poor friend Rose is living minute by minute in pain. If you are familiar with the 'pain scale' where 1 is A-OK with no pain, and 10 being so bad you want to die, she is about a 5 consistently. That kind of pain definitely requires more than an ibuprofen tablet, that's for sure. Narcotics are definitely in order.

Unfortunately, there is no pain scale for emotional, relational pain. Though sometimes easy to hide, this kind of pain leaves scars that no one can see. However, those scars make their presence known in short order the next time trust is requested, required or assumed. Trust is the casualty of betrayal; friendship disregarded, destroyed little by little, is a sad death to watch. Pain of this sort can linger longer than physical pain, it is true. And no narcotics for heartache - any comfort measures only last for a short, ineffective time. No, it's not wise to drug this type of pain.

So what do we do with pain? We all handle it differently; some are strong and stoic (read 'grumpy') while others verbalize their distress with moans, whimpers and sobs. I don't know a better way, to be honest. The brain seems paralyzed of rational thought when pain racks the physical body. Emotional injury is no different leaving the victim reeling from the experience. Trying to examine the pain from an objective view is difficult at best, with the goal of releasing yourself from it's grip. I am reminded of Lamaze breathing for laboring women; acknowledging the pain and breathing though it, then feeling the grip of it loosen and letting it go. Can we let the memory of it go, as well?

Learning from pain is as natural as breathing; do everything possible to avoid it next time. Survival, that is. But can we learn more than just avoidance? Can we learn purposefully by examining the situation and finding a better solution for the next time? Can we gain wisdom from the experience? OK, you're right...that would require maturity and strength. Is it even possible?

I hope so.

4 comments:

Ari C'rona said...

I've been thinkin' about that question as I work through the emotional storm of the latest installment... I hope it's a yes, too, my friend. :o/

Jedi-J said...

Are you sure you are not a writer? I find you're a natural at it...being able to explain deep thoughts and logical thinking in nice swift paragraphs. If you are indeed a writer what is the name you write under so I can start reading your books?

I just feel like my writing style is quick and to the point. Kind of like what Indiana Jones does to that sword wielding arab in Raiders of the Lost Ark. He says screw the whip...and pulls out the gun and does away with the swordsman. I have no time in my mind to pebble through what I am thinking...I just want to get to the point and get the heck out of there. I guess it's the 'avoidant' part of my complex personality.

Feel better! :)

Mama Cache said...

I wonder how many times I'll return to read this. It won't be once or twice.

I'd day 'yes' to all of those questions, my friend. Without hesitation.

I love you. I wish I could carry some of this for you.

Hendel D'bu said...

J, I like your writing style; easy to understand and to the point. I like being a bottom-line person, myself, so I respond well to your style of writing. (I love that scene in Indiana Jones!)

And, no, I'm not an author and I don't have a pen name...if I did, it would be Hendel D'bu, I suppose... :-)