Pondering Rejection
This sure is a tough world we live in, wouldn't you agree?
It has been a recent revelation to me that I live with rejection everyday; coming from the people closest to me. Why I didn't identify it earlier, I'm not sure. What is it about 'unconditional love' that just seems so elusive?
I have realized that I have faced this every day for years. I have been recently blessed in my life with someone who has not rejected me...well, not yet anyway. They have proven themselves to be loyal by my own definition, and the contrast has been made clear. That has not happened before, and it is quite startling, to be honest. I thank G-d everyday for this gift. But, it makes me wonder about rejection and how I deal with it.
There are many forms of rejection; I'm not talking about being rejected in a job interview or by talent scout, but relational rejection. I guess the one that is the most painful is disrespect. Criticism can be so hurtful, even if it is as subtle as a look or rolling of the eyes. Being patronized for your opinions or actions is a long-lasting ache that is remembered long after the words have been spoken.
Your flesh remembers every pain, emotional or physical, you have ever suffered.
But, how have I been dealing with it? I suppose I have come to the conclusion that everyone will reject me at some point, so have become quite skeptical of people's motives. I don't think this is very healthy, and somehow I feel that I need to change my view. And, to be sure, only rejection from those that are nearest to my heart matters. The grocery store cashier with no manners, or the rude honking driver in the car behind me really doesn't make any difference to me. It's actually kind of fun to smile or wave to these 'rejectors' just because. But when your husband, parent or dear friend doesn't want to spend time with you or dismisses your concerns in deference to the television... well, that just plain hurts. No getting around it. I have found that simply ignoring this behavior just doesn't work for very long. It has long-term damaging effects on the relationship and fosters bitterness.
Everyone deals with rejection; I know I am not special. I suppose I will continue to deal with it the way I always have, with my chin in the air and pretending like it does not matter. But somewhere in my soul it matters.
I am glad that I have had this revelation; knowledge is power, and acknowledging when it happens will make it easier to dismiss. It won't make the relationship better, but at least I am aware, and cautious about bitterness. Bitterness grows like a root of evil, and that is something that should be avoided. I also need to carefully consider if I am rejecting those closest to me, either purposefully or accidentally. I pray that is not the case.
Of course, I could say something when I feel rejection...and I suppose sometimes I do. Too often that doesn't foster a better relationship either, in my experience.
So, after all this pondering, do I have any worthy conclusions? Not really, except to not let the rejection I absorb daily become bitterness. And to be aware of the possibility of rejecting and hurting those around me needlessly. I suppose that is worthy enough.
It has been a recent revelation to me that I live with rejection everyday; coming from the people closest to me. Why I didn't identify it earlier, I'm not sure. What is it about 'unconditional love' that just seems so elusive?
I have realized that I have faced this every day for years. I have been recently blessed in my life with someone who has not rejected me...well, not yet anyway. They have proven themselves to be loyal by my own definition, and the contrast has been made clear. That has not happened before, and it is quite startling, to be honest. I thank G-d everyday for this gift. But, it makes me wonder about rejection and how I deal with it.
There are many forms of rejection; I'm not talking about being rejected in a job interview or by talent scout, but relational rejection. I guess the one that is the most painful is disrespect. Criticism can be so hurtful, even if it is as subtle as a look or rolling of the eyes. Being patronized for your opinions or actions is a long-lasting ache that is remembered long after the words have been spoken.
Your flesh remembers every pain, emotional or physical, you have ever suffered.
But, how have I been dealing with it? I suppose I have come to the conclusion that everyone will reject me at some point, so have become quite skeptical of people's motives. I don't think this is very healthy, and somehow I feel that I need to change my view. And, to be sure, only rejection from those that are nearest to my heart matters. The grocery store cashier with no manners, or the rude honking driver in the car behind me really doesn't make any difference to me. It's actually kind of fun to smile or wave to these 'rejectors' just because. But when your husband, parent or dear friend doesn't want to spend time with you or dismisses your concerns in deference to the television... well, that just plain hurts. No getting around it. I have found that simply ignoring this behavior just doesn't work for very long. It has long-term damaging effects on the relationship and fosters bitterness.
Everyone deals with rejection; I know I am not special. I suppose I will continue to deal with it the way I always have, with my chin in the air and pretending like it does not matter. But somewhere in my soul it matters.
I am glad that I have had this revelation; knowledge is power, and acknowledging when it happens will make it easier to dismiss. It won't make the relationship better, but at least I am aware, and cautious about bitterness. Bitterness grows like a root of evil, and that is something that should be avoided. I also need to carefully consider if I am rejecting those closest to me, either purposefully or accidentally. I pray that is not the case.
Of course, I could say something when I feel rejection...and I suppose sometimes I do. Too often that doesn't foster a better relationship either, in my experience.
So, after all this pondering, do I have any worthy conclusions? Not really, except to not let the rejection I absorb daily become bitterness. And to be aware of the possibility of rejecting and hurting those around me needlessly. I suppose that is worthy enough.
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