Snapshot

[This was written back in May of 2018 for a discussion posting for my master's program. I thought it was worthwhile to revisit. It is a good reminder how quickly things change and why it is important to maintain a committed mindfulness practice.]

"And what is the all that is burning?"

The only way to know if progress is being made is through trial. We show that we have the appropriate depth of knowledge through the fire of finals and we demonstrate our consistent, persistent practice and study through the flames of life. We move through a world that is burning.

I live far enough away from family that they don’t expect me to show up for every crisis. But yesterday, I needed to go, and everything was burning.

"Bhikkhus, all is burning. And what is the all that is burning?”

In 2010 my mother, of blessed memory, passed away. As it happened, my father and a close family friend, Connie, whose husband had died a year or so prior, got together. For the past years they have ‘lived it up,’ doing everything they wanted – they traveled, gambled, partied, camped, purchased, dined, and enjoyed what health they had left. And as everything passes, so did their time. Connie was diagnosed with an incurable cancer 1-1/2 years ago. At the time she was ‘given’ 3 months to live. Now the end is close and my father, well, he is in crisis. He needed his daughter to speak love, comfort, and reassurance to him in a voice so similar to that of his long-departed beloved. I went to be with him and sat at Connie’s bedside to give any comfort I could muster. Pulling on our inherent brahmaviharas, I tried to dampen the flames.

Upon leaving my father a little more uplifted, I met with my daughter. Nearing graduation for her bachelor’s, she is in the press with which we are all so familiar. Pressurized requirements, state assessments, personality friction, and so much cortisol. Too much. She feels terrible … and burning up. I sat with her and let her burn it out a bit. Frustration. Tears. Suffering. Coming alongside, again drawing deeply on equanimity and presence, I deeply listened. I didn’t feel compelled, as has been my custom, to fix, advise, and take on the burning. I sat in peace and knowledge that it will all pass. I shared that with her, as well … or at least tried.

As we watched my beauty drive away to join some schoolmates at a local coffee shop, I prepared myself to meet with my son. A newlywed and hard-working diesel mechanic, he hadn’t responded to my texts. Something was wrong. I finally called – he was stranded in the median amidst heavy traffic. He sounded dejected and resigned. The transmission in his newly purchased truck had just quit. Despite his even-tempered nature, everything in his world was burning. The lessons of life are challenging for the young in this environment we have created, and they suffer. Their whole existence is running, multitasking, striving, competing, and burning. There was nothing I could do. He was 45 minutes away, and his friend was already on his way to rescue. He was disappointed, not only because his new-to-him vehicle had crapped out, but that he couldn’t meet with me. The same calm, loving support bubbled up from my cultivated place of stillness, and I assured him that we could meet soon. Everything was going to work out – when he was safely back home, and things settled down, he would know what to do. And everything passes, everything changes, my dear son – this will, too. 

As Chuck took the steering wheel and turned toward home, I was exhausted. But I felt very different, almost indescribable; my way has been to absorb the pain and suffering of others, to bear their burden and make it go away, seeking to give them ease. That lifetime of hypersensitivity has left me with scars of trauma, especially after a day like this one. But, I do believe my consistent practice and study of the Eightfold Path is affording me calm, peace, and ‘right view’ when I see that everything is burning. Equanimity in the presence of pain, suffering, and unfulfilled expectations means I don’t have to make a judgment … I don’t have to fix it … I cannot make the choices for others, even my family. What a relief to calmly extend loving understanding, support, and peace instead.

"The eye is burning, forms are burning, eye-consciousness is burning, eye-contact is burning, also whatever is felt as pleasant or painful or neither-painful-nor-pleasant that arises with eye-contact for its indispensable condition, that too is burning. Burning with what? Burning with the fire of lust, with the fire of hate, with the fire of delusion. I say it is burning with birth, aging and death, with sorrows, with lamentations, with pains, with griefs, with despairs.

"The ear is burning, sounds are burning...

"The nose is burning, odors are burning...

"The tongue is burning, flavors are burning...

"The body is burning, tangibles are burning...

"The mind is burning, ideas are burning, mind-consciousness is burning, mind-contact is burning, also whatever is felt as pleasant or painful or neither-painful-nor-pleasant that arises with mind-contact for its indispensable condition, that too is burning. Burning with what? Burning with the fire of lust, with the fire of hate, with the fire of delusion. I say it is burning with birth, aging and death, with sorrows, with lamentations, with pains, with griefs, with despairs.

"Bhikkhus, when a noble follower who has heard (the truth) sees thus, he finds estrangement in the eye, finds estrangement in forms, finds estrangement in eye-consciousness, finds estrangement in eye-contact, and whatever is felt as pleasant or painful or neither-painful- nor-pleasant that arises with eye-contact for its indispensable condition, in that too he finds estrangement.

"He finds estrangement in the ear... in sounds...

"He finds estrangement in the nose... in odors...

"He finds estrangement in the tongue... in flavors...

"He finds estrangement in the body... in tangibles...

"He finds estrangement in the mind, finds estrangement in ideas, finds estrangement in mind-consciousness, finds estrangement in mind-contact, and whatever is felt as pleasant or painful or neither-painful-nor-pleasant that arises with mind-contact for its indispensable condition, in that too he finds estrangement.

"When he finds estrangement, passion fades out. With the fading of passion, he is liberated. When liberated, there is knowledge that he is liberated. He understands: 'Birth is exhausted, the holy life has been lived out, what can be done is done, of this there is no more beyond.'"

“That is what the Blessed One said. The bhikkhus were glad, and they approved his words. Now during his utterance, the hearts of those thousand bhikkhus were liberated from taints through clinging no more.”

-Adittapariyaya Sutta: The Fire Sermon