9 Steps to a Happier 2018

our view of the world

It has been 7 months since I graduated and we moved to the coast. It is idyllic, really, as you can imagine. It is quiet, and it rains quite a bit, which often keeps visitors to our little resort town away. Living in a little town you are forced to make your own lifestyle - the town will not provide it for you. This is very unlike where we moved from.

We made the two-hour trek to our old stomping grounds yesterday. But, as we sped closer to more populated areas, I started to feel the tension creep into my shoulders and down my back. My now-accustomed relaxed state of mind was slipping away to make room for the overstimulated state I experienced the majority of my life. It used to be so normal, but now it feels like such a uncomfortable blanket being draped across my shoulders sucking away what peace and equanimity I have worked to build.

In the South-Sound area, the traffic is always an issue - so competitive and crowded. There is just not enough room for everyone, truly. And then there is the advertising on every flat space available. It is this way not only in my hometown, but in hub of humanity across the country. But there was something else I realized, and it has been eating at me. Let me explain.

I sincerely believe that mindfulness - the purposeful presence in the present moment - is the most sure way of finding happiness, and ultimately peace. And I am not talking about shallow happiness that comes when you get what you want for Christmas. I am talking about the deep joy of living. The practice of mindfulness is a way to de-stress and take control of anxiety, depression, anger, even feelings of helplessness. A mindful way of life is taking control and responsibility in a way that fosters compassion, empathy, and peace. 

At our house, we practice mindful living. We are not perfect - not by a long-shot. But we have a peaceful, respectful home. We also do not watch television, consume mainstream news, and actively limit our time and exposure on social media. We have made a diligent effort to step out of the stream of consumerism. We immerse ourselves in reading, learning, and discussing ways to build our practice of mindfulness. All of this does not make us better or smarter. But, it does make us more aware and available to each other. And, I must admit, our lifestyle is very much helped by where we live.

Infamous Meridian on South Hill, Puyallup

And there is the problem I see - how can anyone practice mindfulness in the heavily populated, stressful, competitive cities and suburbs? How can we make good, mindful decisions as consumers when we are manipulated and marketed to constantly? How can anyone keep what is most important - living in the present moment - at the forefront when everyone is being pulled and pushed in so many different directions? Even driving from home to the grocery store would be enough to lose a mindful intent. 

It is the norm to be regretting the past or fearing the future, screaming along with the speed of our own thoughts. Yet the reality is that we can only live here and now - the present moment. We so often fritter the present moment away consumed with the past and the future. I am convinced that mindfulness is a valid solution for serious, deep cultural issues such as anxiety (fear of what may come), depression (regret over what has happened), anger (unfulfilled expectations), and addiction (mistaking temporary reward for deep happiness), but how can it even get a foothold in our high-stress, competitive, and self-centered lifestyle? 

It is my observation that most are mindlessly going along with the flow, just trying to survive, yet suffering immensely. We are overfed, overstimulated, and distracted, yet still searching for meaning. We suffer because we cannot find long-lasting peace, comfort, acceptance, and love ... mostly because we do not know where to look.

These are the questions that haunt me as a student of mindfulness. I know the answer to those questions lies within ourselves, and there is only one way to access it - awareness, stillness, and silence. There is so much need for it, but there are so many obstacles. 

Meditation is only now gaining a truthful, non-hippy reputation after its introduction in the 60s and 70s. Meditation retreats can be intimidating and expensive, while teachers are difficult to find. Yoga is popular, but more due to the physical benefits and relaxation, not so much for mindfulness. But the real obstacle has been religious leaders who have actively discouraged meditation and awareness as contrary to monotheistic religion, which is simply not true. Meditation can, and is, practiced by Christians, Jews, and Muslims - it is typically called devotions, contemplation, and prayer. 

In the face of these obstacles, the benefits of meditation and mindfulness has only just begun to be validated by scientific research, most remarkably neuroscience that shows the amazing plasticity of the human brain. Yes, we truly can make changes for our betterment!

So, at the beginning of a new year, why not try something new and make some small changes toward a more aware and mindful lifestyle?  Even if you don't have the circumstance of a peaceful place to live, there are some steps you can take toward more peace, comfort, and happiness. Here are some suggestions:

1. Limit social media - or at the very least cull your friends list. Come on ... not all the people in your friends list are actual friends, so take the opportunity to see more of who you actually know by slimming down and cleaning up your feeds. And, there is good research that says that we are addicted to social media. Moreover, there are some who say that social media is ripping apart the fabric of our society - read it HERE. By paying attention to our habits, we can take control of how much time we are spending scrolling and liking, what motivates us to stay online, and how it makes us feel both mentally and physically.

2. Turn off the television. Take up reading, a hobby or craft, or take up physical activity as a de-stressor. Mindless television consumption only increases feelings of stress, helplessness, irritation, and unhealthy cravings. Television influences us far more than we realize - take back control. 

3. Meditate. Try the free Insight Timer app for your smartphone and start small, like 5 minutes. This is not a religious activity, but one that can gain back some sanity. Silence and stillness are good for the soul. Give it a try. Then investigate different types of meditation such as walking meditation, reclining meditation and body scans, and loving-kindness meditation. A quick google search will yield much wonderful information from teachers such as Jack Kornfield, Sharon Salzberg, Joseph Goldstein, Tara Brach, Mark Epstein, and just for fun, check out Dan Harris. This is not joining a religion - mindfulness practice can be a secular activity that is good for human thriving and happiness, I promise. It will not compromise your chosen faith. (As a matter of fact, many are enjoying Christian meditations and prayer On the Insight Timer app.)

4. Give up retail-therapy. Buying material goods does not constitute happiness, at least not deep, lasting happiness. Happiness comes from within, not from the mall. Challenge yourself to not purchase anything for three days or even a week. Can you do it? (Perhaps with the money you save, you can find a good retreat center to attend.)

I personally struggle with this one, but am making progress!

5. Practice doing nothing. In our culture, we have all succumbed to the erroneous thought that we must always be doing something to prove our worth. Don't believe me? Just count the number of times you tell others how busy you are, and then you tell me. We all know we make time for what we truly want to do, so the claim of busyness is either an excuse to get out of something or a way to build up how important we are. Let go of all that. It is okay to be content doing nothing - this does not constitute laziness - it is taking time for yourself so you can be more available to others.

6. Lighten the load. Check out Marie Kondo and her method of tidying to get rid of extra baggage, both material and mental. Mindfully consider and retain only that which brings you joy. Besides, the less you have, the less you have to take care of. 

7. Try eating mindfully. Dr. Chozen Bays has a terrific book that talks all about eating mindfully, and I just wrote an article about how eating mindfully can give you back control of your health and well-being (your destiny). So, slow down, enjoy what you are eating, don't multi-task, and you, too, can take back control of your mindless eating. You may even drop a couple of pounds.

8. Quit trying to control everything. Just let it be. No, not the Beatles' song, but let whatever happens happen. Just let it be just what it is. Someone cuts you off in traffic? Let it go; your getting angry won't change things, anyway. That co-worker that is a pain in the backside? Practice acceptance and empathy (there is a reason why they act the way they do). The weather is crappy? Focus on what is good about it. Let all that attachment to reactive, mindless emotions go. Yes, this takes practice, but life will be so much more peaceful if you are not trying to control everything. Truly. You have heard it, I am sure, and it is good advice: 

9. Give up the judgment. When we judge others constantly, we think we are being judged equally. Put an end to the incessant judging and competitive thought-stream, and accept others as they are. We are all suffering, so practice kindness and acceptance (the opposite of judgement). Again, this takes practice, but a simple start is to catch yourself mid-thought and just pause. Give yourself some space to think about that person or situation in a different way. It is a practice worth cultivating.

These are some simple, non-threatening ways to move toward a more mindful lifestyle. Or, if you are so inclined, you could be more radical and actually move to a more peaceful circumstance, quit a job that is draining away your life, or enact self-respect by removing yourself from toxic relationships. But whatever you choose to do, or not do, the trajectory of your life depends upon you, and you alone.

The contrast was stark when we visited the competitive environment of our former town of residence. It made me realize that the longer we are immersed in the crowded, stressful competition, the more we are blind to the impact and influence that type of environment can have - anxiety, depression, and negative stress. But, there are steps we can take that don't cost anything and have priceless benefit. All it takes is intention and action. It is my wish that more will slow down, take the opportunity to become more aware, and live in the present moment.

May 2018 be peaceful and happy for us all!