Flickering

A smile here, a prayer there.
Does it amount to much?


One foot in front of the other,
breathe in and breathe out.
And cling to hope yet another day.


They say that time heals all things,
but I don't believe that is true.
Just like sticks and stones,
words cause wounds that remain.
Irreparable damage, so it seems.


A flame flickers,
fragile but stubborn.
Deep darkness looming still,
as one hand holds tight to the candle
while the other doggedly protects.
It just can't go out...


The flame casts a shadow
warped and shaky.
The shadow floats through one day
then into the next;
a smile here, a prayer there.
Does it really amount to much?


Silence surrounds the shadow,
screaming rejection into reality.
Steely determination melts into despair,
leaving only a flickering flame 
and the whispered plea.


Fear grips the heart of the shadow,
with no relief in sight.
Will help never come?
Force another step,
take another breath.


A shadow of my former self,
watching time sliding past.
A smile here, a prayer there.
Will it ever amount to much?


[As I finished writing this, a dear, dear friend arrived to lovingly pull me out of the desperate darkness. I can never thank her enough or the Ruach who sent her. Depression is a all-encompassing darkness that can't be understood fully until it is experienced. I praise the Holy One for the experience and for the compassion He has given me for those who suffer.  ~hendel]