Confessions of an Addict

ser'vice, noun, to render aid, help or support to those in need,
thereby expressing love at it's highest level.

I admit it, I'm addicted to service.  I actively look for ways to serve, whether it is simply being available to those in my life or signing up for volunteer events. The heart of a servant is to give yourself to others; give of your care, your time, your effort.  It always demands humility, forcing the servant to give up any scrap of pride or self-focus.  So many times, service involves discomfort of our physical selves, either through labor or mental effort that wearies to the core.  I know this and still raise my hand when presented with opportunities to serve. Why?

Because I'm addicted.

So, what is it that urges me to step up to the plate over and over?  I confess; just like the adrenalin junkie looking for the next rock face to scale or bridge to bungee from, I live for the rush that comes after managing to fulfill a need for someone by serving them.  Like holding the hand of the dying or taking food to a starving family.  Looking into the appreciative face of a homeless man as he sits down to eat food prepared with love for him despite his poverty or shame. Or sharing the love and grace of G-d with someone who is lying bleeding at the bottom of the proverbial pit...and mercy to the one who has sinned against me. There is something that feeds me and gives me purpose when I look into the eyes of someone who is hurting to share their pain, their burden. Touching someones soul with your own is absolutely addicting. It is the absolute highest calling. Really. I will never get enough.

And when I think about touching others on a 'soul' level, I have to call it spiritual. Could it be, perhaps, that as I look into the eyes of another, I'm really looking into the face of the Messiah? Verbalizing the beauty of a soul, sharing the humaness of our shared heartache - I believe that our Master is in those situations, right there in the midst of us, enabling me to help others in just the way they require. Because He knows our needs, and He provides that which is most needed through the good deeds of His chosen. And so we reach out, always available and ever ready to lend a hand of assistance to those He places in our path.

So, how noble is this...this feeding of my addiction?  I concede that I often feel as if I get just as much, or maybe more, out of serving others as do the ones being served.  It is certainly rewarding and humbling to walk in the footsteps of Messiah, to speak words of love and compassion to the hurting, or to come along side other servants to work side-by-side.  It is heady to think that He is pleased with my work in His name.  I absolutely want to be used by the Master to heal, build up and reach out to the ones who have cried out to Him for help. Dare I even think that I may be used in such a way as to show someone the way to salvation?  I suppose I'll leave it up to my Master to keep me humble in the opinion of my own worth.  For, if the Master doesn't give me opportunity to serve, then why am I here?  What is my life for, anyway?  LORD, please, please give me opportunity to serve in any way You desire.

Noble?  Nah, just a servant eager...very eager, to please.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.  For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.'  Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?' And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'

"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.' Then they also will answer, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?' Then he will answer them, saying, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.' And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."

~Yeshua, Matthew 25:34-45