Leadership
Being raised not attending religious services, I am always baffled by the traditions and thoughts of those raised regularly attending. I bump up against these traditions often; the most common one is the roles of women and men.
Don't get me wrong, I believe what Scripture has to say about the marriage relationship, and try to adhere to it closely. I believe that, when married, the man and woman become one, the man being the head and the woman the help-mate. However, I find that definitions differ as to what this really entails. I always end up with questions; not about my own perspective, but about the perspective of others. So, if the man is the 'head', does that mean that he makes all the decisions? So, if he makes all the decisions, why does he need a 'helper'? Didn't the Almighty give a brain to both men and women? If so, then why would the woman not need to think about decisions also? I could get real cynical and think, by the actions of some, that the help-mate is really just a maid, cook and bed companion. I'm sorry, but this irks me more than just a little.
It was said to me that men just need to be allowed to lead their families, as Scripture would suggest. Why does this rub me the wrong way? Allow? What if the men in question have not proven themselves to be wise? It is my experience that some, shall we say 'less mature', men have taken this leadership role on as a power trip.
A wise man has often said that if a man will, in all sincerity, lead his family with their needs his top priority, then it will be no effort on the part of the wife to follow his loving and humble lead. I believe this to be true, however, the problem lies in the sincerity and prioritization.
I like to consider my own parents when thinking about the marriage relationship. They have a wonderful, best-friend relationship that is enviable. They consider themselves to be equals - 50/50 they always say, especially when it comes to decision-making. They both put in their input, then make a decision. They love each other so much that putting the other as a priority is not even an issue. Now, that doesn't mean that they don't have some rippin' debates about some issues (she's Italian, he's German!), however in the end they always come back to the fact that their love for each other is most important and each is willing to give to make the other happy. Sacrifice. Commitment. Love.
Somehow, when I see a man complaining that he is not being shown the respect as 'leader of the home' or a wife is being rebuked by some that she is not showing that respect, I think that something is not right. Someone is on a power trip, and it stinks to high heaven.
In my own marriage, my husband is not (you could say) bound by the traditions and trappings of religious thought. This can be a good or bad thing, but we have a very equal relationship. He has never been on the 'leader of the house' power kick, however we had many a power struggle over who was going to do the lion's share of the work around the house! We are more business-like about decision-making, looking at the pros & cons in a cold, matter-of-fact way and making the best decision. Sometimes, I just make him make the decision because I don't want to, but I suppose that is my 'religious' leanings getting the better of me.
So, I try not to get too emotional or passionate when I hear comments made about the man being the leader, or see a dear friend having to submit to a power tripping mate. I can't interfere with the affairs of others, but I cannot help to make my displeasure known. Both husband and wife needs to show the utmost respect to each other, but respect is a funny thing. It cannot be just one-sided, and boy, you know when it is. It is easy to sit from the comfort of a respectful relationship and judge those around you, I suppose.
I pray that HaShem enlighten me further on this subject and enable me to support those that need it the most. I pray for discernment of when to speak and when not to, and to defend when needed.
Don't get me wrong, I believe what Scripture has to say about the marriage relationship, and try to adhere to it closely. I believe that, when married, the man and woman become one, the man being the head and the woman the help-mate. However, I find that definitions differ as to what this really entails. I always end up with questions; not about my own perspective, but about the perspective of others. So, if the man is the 'head', does that mean that he makes all the decisions? So, if he makes all the decisions, why does he need a 'helper'? Didn't the Almighty give a brain to both men and women? If so, then why would the woman not need to think about decisions also? I could get real cynical and think, by the actions of some, that the help-mate is really just a maid, cook and bed companion. I'm sorry, but this irks me more than just a little.
It was said to me that men just need to be allowed to lead their families, as Scripture would suggest. Why does this rub me the wrong way? Allow? What if the men in question have not proven themselves to be wise? It is my experience that some, shall we say 'less mature', men have taken this leadership role on as a power trip.
A wise man has often said that if a man will, in all sincerity, lead his family with their needs his top priority, then it will be no effort on the part of the wife to follow his loving and humble lead. I believe this to be true, however, the problem lies in the sincerity and prioritization.
I like to consider my own parents when thinking about the marriage relationship. They have a wonderful, best-friend relationship that is enviable. They consider themselves to be equals - 50/50 they always say, especially when it comes to decision-making. They both put in their input, then make a decision. They love each other so much that putting the other as a priority is not even an issue. Now, that doesn't mean that they don't have some rippin' debates about some issues (she's Italian, he's German!), however in the end they always come back to the fact that their love for each other is most important and each is willing to give to make the other happy. Sacrifice. Commitment. Love.
Somehow, when I see a man complaining that he is not being shown the respect as 'leader of the home' or a wife is being rebuked by some that she is not showing that respect, I think that something is not right. Someone is on a power trip, and it stinks to high heaven.
In my own marriage, my husband is not (you could say) bound by the traditions and trappings of religious thought. This can be a good or bad thing, but we have a very equal relationship. He has never been on the 'leader of the house' power kick, however we had many a power struggle over who was going to do the lion's share of the work around the house! We are more business-like about decision-making, looking at the pros & cons in a cold, matter-of-fact way and making the best decision. Sometimes, I just make him make the decision because I don't want to, but I suppose that is my 'religious' leanings getting the better of me.
So, I try not to get too emotional or passionate when I hear comments made about the man being the leader, or see a dear friend having to submit to a power tripping mate. I can't interfere with the affairs of others, but I cannot help to make my displeasure known. Both husband and wife needs to show the utmost respect to each other, but respect is a funny thing. It cannot be just one-sided, and boy, you know when it is. It is easy to sit from the comfort of a respectful relationship and judge those around you, I suppose.
I pray that HaShem enlighten me further on this subject and enable me to support those that need it the most. I pray for discernment of when to speak and when not to, and to defend when needed.
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