Ruminations from the Temple

[This was written back in May of 2018 for a discussion posting for my master's program. I thought it was worthwhile to revisit. It is a good reminder how quickly things change and why it is important to maintain a committed mindfulness practice.] "And what is the all that is burning?" The only way to know if progress is being made is through trial. We show that we have the appropriate depth of knowledge through the fire of finals and we demonstrate our consistent, persistent practice and study through the flames of life. We move through a world that is burning. I live far enough away from family that they don’t expect me to show up for every crisis. But yesterday, I needed to go, and everything was burning. "Bhikkhus, all is burning. And what is the all that is burning?” In 2010 my mother, of blessed memory, passed away. As it happened, my father and a close family friend, Connie, whose husband had died a year or so prior, got together. For the p...

Speak only if it improves the silence. ~Mahatma Ghandi (and Zen saying) " Silence soothes us and brings us back to present moment.  Today take time to be silent, just breathe and honor the here and now."

All beings are the owners of their intentions, actions, and results. Their level of happiness depends upon their actions, not on my wishes for them. May we all accept things as they are. May we be undisturbed by the comings and goings of events. I care for you but cannot keep you from suffering. I wish you happiness but cannot make your choices for you. No matter what I wish for, things are as they are. It seems to me that there are two sides to the concept of equanimity: dealing with our own expectations and reactions to happenings, and holding a balanced view of happenings in the lives of others. I have a long history of suffering for others and have struggled to maintain balance. I have tried to help, advise, make way, bear their burden, ‘take the hit,’ and be available to all who are in need, often to my own detriment. It is my intention for the above mantras to become so familiar and practiced that they will become my go-to response to the pain, suffe...

It is so pleasant to be able to get outside after, what seems like, such a lengthy winter. I have taken more time this last week to just sit outside. I have been enjoying meditation in different parts of my garden listening to the birds, hearing the wind chimes, and watching the ducks. I can’t imagine not being grateful for the moment – practicing metta for all that is around me is a natural response. May all the animals find what they need to nest, may the plants thrive in the sun, may the peace I feel now sustain me through times of stress and unrest. Just being in the garden, mindfully considering the springtime rebirth, is refreshingly healing after such a stretch of weather that takes your breath away and chases you back inside the house. Chuck and I have been taking more walks in the fresh air and sunshine – we have naturally made them into more of walking meditation. Just quietly and mindfully walking allows time to note the sounds and sensations within as we stroll alo...

There are times that, while in the midst of struggle, wisdom appears. This is one of those times. Every morning we start our day by reading a small book called Everyday Tao , by Deng Ming-Dao (1996). Taoism is credited with being, by far, the oldest of human religions, with its sacred text attributed to Lao Tzu, a person who may have been real or simply legend. The name Lao Tzu simply means old wise one, so basically the Daodejing could be thought of as the oldest recording of human wisdom on the planet, or at least to our current and limited knowledge. So, why is all this important? Because I need wisdom. We all need wisdom. Because we all suffer, either by pain inflicted outside our control, or by reliving and ruminating (yes, ruminating) over the pain that has been inflicted. We cause our own pain and suffering. And, heaven help us, we just can't seem to get out of our own stupid way. Sound familiar? My beloved read the following excerpt to me this morning. I have been ...

I didn’t meditate as usual this morning. Solomon died suddenly and tragically (perhaps from an illness or an internal condition). So very sad. I rode the waves of grief and trauma and just let them come. I did my best to not attach to the emotions but acknowledged them. I diligently tried not to create stories along the way, but I am not sure I was successful. I struggled with feeling responsible somehow, and guilty for not being able to help him in his distress. I felt helpless in the face of his anguish … and mine. I sat with him for an hour or more – probably 2. I think he went into a deep shock and was slowly slipping away. I thought I heard faint purring and sporadic shallow respiration. At one point I could hear a faint heartbeat, but after a while even that went away. I was just heartsick. I sought to PAUSE and feel what was happening in my body. At one point I had a major sugar-crash and grabbed for glucose-tab. At another check-in with my body, I wondered why I di...

“Thus, more than an ethical principle, devotion to truthful speech is a matter of taking our stand on reality rather than illusion, on the truth grasped by wisdom rather than the fantasies woven by desire.” Bhikkhu Bodhi’s perspective is from that of a monk. When I read his words, I am reminded that he is a renunciant. He has chosen to live without many of the comforts, desires, and pleasures that those of us non-renunciants enjoy. But he does have one thing that many of us do not – undistracted vision. The above profundity that flows from his observation, most certainly, is a nugget worth further exploration. He also has the luxury of speaking the truth. I know that may sound strange, but for those of us living out in the fray of society, we don’t often have the space or privilege to speak the truth. For example, have you ever answered the cashier’s scripted inquiry by stating the truth: “no, I actually didn’t find everything I was looking for.” I have responded in this wa...

I'll see you in the gap. That place between our out-breath and our in. That pause between what is said and what is understood, between one thought and the next. Between the night and the dawn, and between the last rays of sunshine and the gathering dusk. The gap lies between the solid platform of obligation and the moving train of what-if. It is the space between sleeping and waking, and the transition between what is expected and the exceptional. The gap is that terrain between what we believe and what we are afraid to say, and that moment when our life flashes before our eyes. The gap is silent. Lao Tzu said that in silence there is strength, and who can argue? For it is in the silence of the gap  that human potential eternally resides. Push a little farther into the gap. Breathe in, breathe out, and notice the pause. There it is, the silent, pregnant gap. Close your eyes and know that it is real and alive, full of promise and empty of judgement. ...

The title of this post is a phrase I have said often, usually as a reply to praise. I say it because it is true - I am not so sure about whatever praise is being given. I am doubtful of its validity. Not that the person is trying to mislead me, but that I just have my doubts that it is really true. Because I know me, and I know my failings. Further, I have been close to people who have expressed appreciation and care, but then caused hurt with mis-perceptions, gossip, and slander. Those experiences have cast a long shadow of doubt upon my abilities and on the perceptions of others. I believe we all have doubts, some more than others. Doubts about ourselves, our relationships, our beliefs, and our security and safety. Everything is forever in flux, so how can we not have doubts that what we understand and rely upon today will not be upended tomorrow? But, in our current societal environment, we need to exhibit confidence in our own abilities and understanding to succeed. Those who are...

This morning I took a few minutes to listen to everyone's favorite teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh. It was a fascinating teaching about 'inviting' the sound of the bell, sometimes called a singing bowl. Bells grab our attention, and are quite common in spiritual practices the world over. When we were in Greece, we stayed across the street from a beautiful Orthodox church. Anyone who is familiar with this religious practice is well aware of the many times throughout the day that those bells ring out, calling the faithful to pray, remember, and even come to acknowledge those enshrined in iconography. Some bells are recorded, but some are still rung by the attendants of the particular church. I never tired of them. In the Catholic tradition, not only are bells still rung from some of the churches, but also during Mass to announce special moments. In Judaism, it is not so much bells, but horns. The shofar is a distinct sound and acts like a bell to call, gather, and focus on the ...

our view of the world It has been 7 months since I graduated and we moved to the coast. It is idyllic, really, as you can imagine. It is quiet, and it rains quite a bit, which often keeps visitors to our little resort town away. Living in a little town you are forced to make your own lifestyle - the town will not provide it for you. This is very unlike where we moved from. We made the two-hour trek to our old stomping grounds yesterday. But, as we sped closer to more populated areas, I started to feel the tension creep into my shoulders and down my back. My now-accustomed relaxed state of mind was slipping away to make room for the overstimulated state I experienced the majority of my life. It used to be so normal, but now it feels like such a uncomfortable blanket being draped across my shoulders sucking away what peace and equanimity I have worked to build. In the South-Sound area, the traffic is always an issue - so competitive and crowded. There is just not enoug...

I am in week 6 of my first semester of a master's degree program in Mindfulness Studies. As part of the Theory class, the professor assigned reflection and analysis of our practice, as it stands now. This is my reflection.  I started setting time aside for a committed practice prior to the term starting. I knew it would be required, so I figured that I should just get a start on it as soon as possible. So, after our move, getting settled, and recovering from graduation, I got serious about meditation. I picked up my yoga practice again in earnest, since it had fell by the wayside in my sprint towards graduation. But, it wasn’t until we started class that it really sunk in that I was building something consistent and enduring, as opposed to a hit-and-miss hobby or comfort measure in times of crisis. As I reflect on these past 6 weeks of meditative practice, I realize I have become comfortably addicted to what has become a morning ritual. Upon awakening, instead of lying in ...

Sometimes entanglements separate, so often for the better. Love was not lacking, or even desire, only that paths parted. Being free of attachment is a benefit, and loyalty isn’t always a virtue; Truly, clinging for acceptance and striving for victory leave only expectations. If clinging is your way, cling to the truth that expectations lead to suffering. If striving is your habit, strive to train yourself to be still. For in stillness there is awareness, acceptance, and quietness of mind. It is only in stillness that you will find what you seek.