Ruminations from the Temple

[This was written back in May of 2018 for a discussion posting for my master's program. I thought it was worthwhile to revisit. It is a good reminder how quickly things change and why it is important to maintain a committed mindfulness practice.] "And what is the all that is burning?" The only way to know if progress is being made is through trial. We show that we have the appropriate depth of knowledge through the fire of finals and we demonstrate our consistent, persistent practice and study through the flames of life. We move through a world that is burning. I live far enough away from family that they don’t expect me to show up for every crisis. But yesterday, I needed to go, and everything was burning. "Bhikkhus, all is burning. And what is the all that is burning?” In 2010 my mother, of blessed memory, passed away. As it happened, my father and a close family friend, Connie, whose husband had died a year or so prior, got together. For the p...

I didn’t meditate as usual this morning. Solomon died suddenly and tragically (perhaps from an illness or an internal condition). So very sad. I rode the waves of grief and trauma and just let them come. I did my best to not attach to the emotions but acknowledged them. I diligently tried not to create stories along the way, but I am not sure I was successful. I struggled with feeling responsible somehow, and guilty for not being able to help him in his distress. I felt helpless in the face of his anguish … and mine. I sat with him for an hour or more – probably 2. I think he went into a deep shock and was slowly slipping away. I thought I heard faint purring and sporadic shallow respiration. At one point I could hear a faint heartbeat, but after a while even that went away. I was just heartsick. I sought to PAUSE and feel what was happening in my body. At one point I had a major sugar-crash and grabbed for glucose-tab. At another check-in with my body, I wondered why I di...

This is a guest post from my companion, whom I couldn't be more honored to share life with. A former member of the LDS Church, he has sent this letter to the current president and prophet, Thomas Monson. The journey continues.. . President Monson, I have chosen Mother’s Day to write to you, because it highlights my concern over the existence of patriarchy within the structure of the church. While my life was very enhanced from joining the church in my fourteenth year, serving an honorable mission and marrying within the temple, with an increase of study from “all the good books” and scholarly study in the birthplace of all Christian religion, the recent published position of the church hierarchy has caused me, and apparently many others, to wonder about the true ‘inspiration’ that created the LDS church. My testimony was definitely from my own mystical experience and I bore it many times to convince others to consider our version of the ‘truth’ about an eternal plan a...

All my life I have struggled with my appearance. When I was a child, my mother dressed me the best she knew how, however, it was not me. She was in charge of my hair, oftentimes sitting me on the stool in front of her chair and winding my hair up in those over-used pink sponge rollers that were not comfortable to sleep on (by the way). With my hair back-combed and sprayed, and in a sweet dress she sewed herself, off I would go to elementary school picture day. I felt awful. I was told not to smile 'too big' for the picture, Elizabeth. I tried. The gawky stage didn't improve, and I was in an economic class that didn't allow for special clothing or styles some of the others could have. I wasn't in the popular group, although with my quick wit and loud mouth, you'd think so. I still felt awful about my appearance, as I just couldn't meet the perceived standard I saw in the magazines. I did manage to learn how to smile less, however. As I progressed towa...

Every year on Facebook everyone has the opportunity to post a 'year in review' type of thing, highlighting special moments and pictures from the year. Pretty cool, especially if you post pics of friends, family, events, etc. I enjoy looking at everyone's year, thinking about them, perhaps even praying for them as I take a look into their past year. There is much about Facebook that is worthwhile, and I think this may be one of them. I spend yesterday doing nothing but enjoying watching the ducks in the canal and poking through the scads of photographs I have taken this last year. I got a couple of new cameras and a new home in the last months, and both those things scream for photos. I now know that I have way too many shots of the beach, but oh well. Not nearly enough of my kids, though...boo. So, in an effort to capture the feel of this passing year, a few thoughts: I am so very proud of my children - Morgan is a straight-A student in her ongoing studies in Ear...

My first semester at university was pretty intense. I have heard from many experts that the first year is the hardest for any number of reasons, but I think it was intense for me due to the nature of the classes I took. Heavy gender study focusing on violence probably wasn’t the way to start, eh? My last final was on the 18 th , and we, my roomies and I, have been trying to cram a whole lot of down-time into this two-week break. Here’s some of what we did: Saw a couple of movies If you haven’t seen Saving Mr. Banks , then stop reading this immediately and go see it. Yes, I mean it. It is that good! I am a non-stop Tom Hanks fan, and again, he does not disappoint. What a film! We also had the pleasure of enjoying Frozen with two of my favoritest people in the whole world, Laura and Patty. I was expecting to come out of the movie with a rippin’ feminist critique of the newest animation from Disney, but no dice. Except for a couple of minor feminist glitches, it was great. Gonna catc...

is this the definition of what it means to be masculine? I will assume that you may not have heard this song before, but it is worthy of a listen. When I heard it on satellite radio, it was intro'd by the artist saying that he was so excited to perform it in concert. Well, hell yeah...doesn't it have all the markings of a perfect party-concert song? Let's take a peek at the lyrics and see what the song is really saying, shall we? "That's My Kind Of Night" sung by Luke Bryan I got that real good feel good stuff Up under the seat of my big black jacked up truck Rollin' on 35s Pretty girl by my side You got that sun tan skirt and boots Waiting on you to look my way and scoot Your little hot self over here Girl hand me another beer, yeah! All them other boys wanna wind you up and take you downtown But y ou look like the kind that likes to take it way out Out where the corn rows grow, row, row my boat Floatin’ down the Flint River, cat...

So, did I mention I got new wheels? Speeder has been retired and Annie has taken its place. "Annie" as in Anakin - dark and a bit dangerous. getting acquainted the cockpit a happy new owner of a 2013 Subaru BRZ the much-awaited sports model This car draws much attention; men, young and old, have all heard about this joint effort by Subaru and Toyota. (The Toyota model is offered under the Scion brand.) This little sweetie was highly anticipated by car enthusiasts and received great reviews from sneak-peek-drives by auto-mag-rag writers. This beauty is fun and fast, despite the 4-cylinders, and gets fab gas mileage (I'm recording 30-ish miles/gallon). With its low center of gravity, it drives and corners like a dream. It has all the bells and whistles I wanted; I love the iPod jack, navigation, bluetooth and satellite radio. We also added cilajet sealant, security system (with push button start - cool!) and tinted windows. Perfect. The only downs...

As the sun streamed through my bedroom window this beautiful, spring Mother's Day morning, I laid in bed and wrote a whole blog post in my head. When that happens, I struggle to retain it long enough to find my way to a keyboard to record those quickly fading sentences and magical paragraph flow. Ah, the mind of a writer (of sorts)...a sieve. The first thing I thought of, of course, was my own mother. (A bunny trail thought tried to distract, calling attention to the fact that my beloved hubby really needed to call his own mother, but I managed to set that aside for the moment.) My mother, of blessed memory, was the consummate mother in that she always gave her all to caring for others, especially her children. Forever concerned about whether everyone was getting enough to eat, she was a fabulous cook. She absolutely missed her calling as a nurse, but my brother and I certainly reaped the benefits of her natural tendencies to care for the sick and needy. She taught, and model...

One day I was telling my beloved on the telephone that I just couldn't take my little blondie to kindergarten registration, then the next day, she is done. A graduate. How is that even possible? No, it wasn't easy. And, no...I didn't do it perfect. But, we struggled through it together. Through the exhausting recording schedule of Bob Jones' satellite program, to hours of collecting just the right manipulatives for the 'school closet'. We endured the frustration of Switched On Schoolhouse computer courses until we finally gave up. Somewhere I found the courage to put together my own curriculum mix. Yes, she was the guinea pig for it all. But it wasn't all drudgery. Homeschoolers have this special bonus of deciding which days are school days and which are, well...not. (Shhhhh! don't tell!) So many times, especially days when the sun was making an appearance, we would forsake the books and pile into the vehicle to see how many parks we could c...

It's dusky, grey this morning, with the standard dreary accompaniment of rain. I wonder if, on the day my mother was born, what the weather looked like. She was born in Sioux Falls, South Dakota; back in 2008, the kids and I visited Sioux Falls in her stead. I wish she could have been there. It was rather funny when I told her during a travel-check-in call that we were there. She perkily stated, "that's where I was born!" Yeah, Mom...I know. That's why we're here.  *smile* Happy Birthday, Maggie! Mom would have been turning 68 today, the day after tax-day and twenty years my senior. In years past, her birthday would oftentimes fall during the Feast of Unleavened Bread. I would always feel bad that we couldn't share cake with her, although cake really wasn't her thing. She liked breakfast pastries like gooey bear claws and maple bars. On those years she was alright with no cake...as long as we could go out to eat. My foodie Mom enjoyed eating ...